Adventures in Pottysitting - Episode One - This will be Easy

Our kid is so much smarter than all the other kids. He wears cloth diapers, so it will be easier. The very first time he was ever sat on the potty he had a nice poop, was proud, had to be the one to flush, and he was potty trained.

Well, that very last bit wasn't true. He did poop the first time, was proud, and had to be the one to flush. But that was the last successful potty trip for ages. He just would not go. Couldn't get him to even sit on it. So we tried reading. He loves books, we all read a lot, and I often read him three or four before nap time. He sits on the potty, we read a book while we wait for some action. A second book, a third, a fourth, a fifth. Nothing.

We did get him on the potty though. It went on. Some minor successes, but still mostly in the diaper. He did start saying when he needed to go potty though. "Read me a book, read me a book!" Eventually, it struck me as funny that Mars desperately needed to go potty when Odin was getting lots of attention, or mummy was making dinner, or daddy was on the computer. He'd sit on the potty and demand to be read books, but nothing ever came out. Hmmmm..... So he is a smart little fellow.

This led to problems. The boy who cried wolf and all that. Reading is good, potty time is good, reading while going to the potty is good. But you have to do the doing part, little dude. So we no longer had unlimited reading. A book or two, if we don't have success, its off the potty again. Of course the wolf shows up. Plop plop plop as soon as he gets off. Sigh. Potty training is not easy.

A digression. Its hard to maintain parental composure when you're trying not to laugh. Like many parents, I find Elmo to be insipidly annoying. Mars loves him though. I think it started with cheerios. Three to be precise. "Look Mars, there's Elmo's nose and his two eyes!" His beloved Elmo could be found anywhere: 3 chocolate chips on peanut buttered bread, 3 coins, 3 rocks, three cups. Just about any time he saw what could be two eyes and a mouth. Of course he had to admire his handiwork on the bathroom floor, and of course he had to say "Look mommy, Elmo!"

I have been anally probed

And it wasn't by little green men who subsequently wanted to be taken to my leader. I experienced the joy of the colonoscopy. My mum got colon cancer in her mid forties, so now, ten years younger than she was, I have to get checked out. I have to admit I was scared. Not of the procedure, but of the results. I had been experiencing some other symptoms which I was foolish enough to look up online, and cancer runs in my family. Both parents and my younger brother have battled the big C. My dad is well outlasting the 2 years he was given a 10% chance of surviving. My mum keeps a notebook to keep track of all the cancers, surgeries, and chemos she has gone thru since Doctors tend not to believe she could still be alive.

The whole colonoscopy ordeal was relatively painless. No solid food for 36 hours beforehand, plus some hard core purgatives to clean out the system. That part wasn't exactly fun. You've never had diarrhea until you've downed a couple packages of Pico-Salax. I'm very serious when I say my pee was thicker than the dregs of my colon. Projectile poop! Had to make the trip to Belleville for the procedure. We planned on putting the boys in daycare, but Mars came down with something and was throwing up all night. Adding to the stress, he was sick again in the van on the way down, we were late enough that I didn't want to stop again for a bathroom break. A risky decision since I could feel the pressure building, and a simple fart would shoot out a cup of pale brown water.

First time to Belleville hospital. Their signage sucks big time, couldn't find where I was supposed to go, and very skillfully ignored by multiple desk people. Avoiding eye contact with someone standing over your desk while you stand up and walk away is an art form. Further adding to my tardiness and my stress levels.

Once I got where I was supposed to go it was smooth sailing. A few minutes in the waiting room, then into hospital gown, IV started, thumbed through a National Geographic from 1990, wheeled to the little colonoscopy room. Had to admire the giant probes hanging up. Marked along their length in centimeters. I think it is a sop to metric phobic people. If it was marked five feet, people would panic. But 150 cm... most of the old people who were also enjoying the procedure wouldn't clue into the length of the damn thing.

Got the oxygen, got the happy needle, got the general discomfort of a five foot implement shoved up my bum. There was a video I could watch, but I was pretty groggy from the anesthetic. I remember bits. Some acute discomfort at times, like a bad stomach cramp, but passed quickly. I think I was shown a polyp. The drugs had really kicked in by the end, and I don't remember being wheeled back to the recovery room. Friday afternoon, so I only got a note from the Doctor saying he had removed one small polyp and that I needed to have another colonoscopy in five years. Relief. Food. Groggy car ride home. Nap. Hug kids. All is copacetic.

A deer in the yard!

A first for us, but more importantly the first good look at a deer for Mars. We've driven past them a number of times, but you never know if a two year old really sees it or is just saying they do because that's what a two year old does. The dogs had started barking madly, and I saw the deer out the kitchen window. Mars got to stand on the counter and see. It was pretty exciting for him as he had recently watched Bambi.

I think it came thru the golf course, over the highway, and down our creek. The next night I startled it out of the ravine while going down to the river to fill up the watering can. A regular visitor maybe? The dogs often have a bark fest late in the evenings.

Take me out back and shoot me.

We bought a minivan. Two kids, two dogs, and a ride on lawnmower was bad enough, but now... My young life of fun is over, I'm officially old and haggard. Its a gas guzzling monstrosity - you can seriously see the needle on the fuel gauge dropping. Big difference from the super efficient turbo diesel Golf we had - less than half the mileage! Minivans kill the budget and the environment in one go.

We do need the room though. We drove the Golf down to Leaf's parents this weekend to buy the minivan. Crammed in two car seats, two dogs, plus luggage, Mars kicks the back of my seat the whole way. Drove the minivan back. Everybody and everything fits, including a whole bunch of plants and yard sale finds. Mars kicks the back of my seat the whole way. I think he had to stretch to do it though.

Sigh. I'll miss the golf. It was manual transmission and sporty seeming and had some zoom. The minivan wouldn't accelerate if you dropped it off a cliff. Anybody want to buy a Golf TDI? 1100km on a tank of diesel...

Hallowe'en Pumpkins 08

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I've always loved Hallowe'en, & have been looking forward to Mars being old enough to take out to get me some candy! Dressed him up in a little dragon-rider costume we found at a thrift store, with helmet and shield. Of course no photos of that, little monkey had hidden the camera & didn't find until the next day. Hoping a good shot in the local paper though as he and Leaf (a pirate) and Odin (a cow) got snapped at the day care Hallowe'en party.

Practiced saying 'trick or treat' many times, but he only ever managed 'treat', which he is already a master of (that, and 'Scooby Snack'). Still, very cute taking him door to door. We only hit about 10 houses on our street, I (I mean he) got oodles of candy. He wasn't quite sure what to make of the whole thing, all those strange people, but he knew he didn't want to go home.

A slow night considering how beautiful the weather was. Four houses we were the only trick-or-treater & got handfuls of chocolate bars. We only had 8 kids to our house this year, down from last year's twelve. Mostly retired people, so not many kids from the street, and not high density enough to bring many people in from other parts of town. Only two pumpkins this year, Bert & Ernie for Mars, and a Toronto FC soccer ball for me.

Pumpkins 2012: Master Yoda Pumpkin, Cookie Monster Pumpkin
Pumpkins 2011: Batman Pumpkin, Batman Logo Pumpkin

Skin Carving a Pumpkin and Finding Free Stencil Instructions

Pumpkins 2010: Tinkerbell Pumpkin, Transformers Pumpkin with Autobot and Decepticon logos

Pumpkins 2009: Scooby Doo and Shaggy Pumpkin, Mystery Machine Pumpkin, Yoda Pumpkin, Boba Fett Pumpkin
Pumpkins 2007: Calvin and Hobbes Pumpkin, Spiderman Pumpkin, Toronto FC Pumpkin
Pumpkins 2006: Darth Vader Pumpkin, Homer Simpson Pumpkin